im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
