is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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