Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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