He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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