best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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