FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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