If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
