And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
