And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
