The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
