guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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