Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
