I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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