oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
