She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
