when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
