when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
