He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
