i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
