We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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