I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
