I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
