I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
