in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
