I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
