I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
