The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
