I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
