she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
