My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
