My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
