You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
