My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
