I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Let's get the cat blown out
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
