dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
