I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
