I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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