This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
