So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
