quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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