Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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