she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
