Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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