I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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