Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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