i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
third nipple confirmed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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