I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
