Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
