we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
