I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I've blown a few things in my day
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
