im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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