now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
