You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
